Yesterday I said to my melanated best friend that the dreams people are sharing with me recently are about the culture of systemic racism in North America and the issues are so huge for me that I can’t make the video replies without crying. I asked him what to do. He says, “Tell them that.”

And then he tells me about a guy who was attacked by 5 cops and died. I hear him and my heart says a small prayer but at that point, I don’t know #hisnametyrenichols yet and I don’t know the circumstances and I don’t know if it’s immediately relevant to me.

We get off the phone and I’m thinking all day about how to make this video, which is sort of part one, to a series about how these amazing, talented people aren’t living their “best” life because the non-melanated people around them just won’t let it happen -consciously or unconsciously.

As I’m thinking about how to word my pre-cursor sorry-that-I’m-white video, my FYP starts popping’ with stories about Tyre. And then it hits hard. I hear from the black creators who I value, appreciate, love and respect just how painful it is, just how hard it is to be black in America (and Canada) today. “It keeps getting harder and harder to be black,” she says into the camera.

That’s when I begin to realize that the environment just changed. The collective just changed. It’s another Rodney King. It’s another #GeorgeFlyod

#EricGarner

#JavierAmbler

#ManuelEllis

#ElijahMcClain

So now, the dreams are even more relevant. Even more timely. Even more pointed.

As I prepare to voice my experience, I’m preparing for the support & the backlash. But I will put myself out there because even though I can’t control the fact my skin looks white, I can control if I act white. And Lord, please help me never ever make that mistake.

The issue with #TyreNichols death by law enforcement is that all officers involved with his murder were black. The tragedy expands.