Dec. 02, 2018
- taking some things and coming back for more and being told No
- driving down a long dirt road in the woods
- sliding down a waterslide into a pool with a huge pile of chips which they were making for summer (why?)
Dec. 02, 2018
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14 October 2017
This situation I’m in right now is a unique situation. Most people seem to have a well-organized life and there is a lot which is predictable about the day-to-day activities of their families. At the moment, there is not too much which is predictable or orderly about my life but I’m okay with it. It’s not easy, but I can cope.
Ever since my plans changed at the beginning of the month I’ve been creating a new vision for next steps for my family.
The problem is that I had a plan which I had been working on and implementing for 2 months and then “POOF” just like that someone made a decision which changed the direction I was going in to such a degree that everything I worked for vanished completely. Without going into the (boring) details of what happened, I’ll just say that I had a course of action laid out and then someone changed their mind and it affected everything. We were supposed to leave for BC on September 29th and settle in the first week of October. Instead, now it’s October 14th and I’m still no where closer to getting there.
The person has since apologized and they have tried in many ways to show their support and to help in many ways but the problem is now much bigger than what they can fix.
The big challenge for me is that since I had put myself 100% into the plan and now it has fallen apart, it feels like I’ve experienced a small death of sorts. It was the death of a dream and I’m grieving. The problem is the grief is effecting every area of my life and I can’t seem to get my mind around a new plan. Up until this morning I couldn’t imagine what to do next. I couldn’t imagine leaving and I couldn’t imagine staying. It’s like being stuck in some sort of painful purgatory. That is, up until last night when I dreamed of ordering a gluten-free sub at Subway.
Now finally I have a way to think about how I’m going to get through the next stage of my life in order to get to where I want to go.
Subway restaurant is a place where you can choose a customized sub from the menu and then move through an assembly line-like process to get a customized & personalized assortment of ingredients. The end result is a sandwich made exactly the way you want it.
My life at times feels exactly the opposite of a subway sandwich. Without sounding pessimistic or pathetically doomsdayish, it seems that nothing I have wanted in my life has materialized. Not in the regular sense of the way life usually goes for people. A good friend commented recently that I seem to be really good at dealing with messes people create and I’m so calm in the midst of what others experience as a storm. So I guess that is a somewhat positive way to look at things.
I’m a bit embarrassed to admit but yesterday I was feeling a bit confused about what to do next and no matter how hard I tried no vision of what to do next would come to my mind. Literally, I had no idea what to do next.
Then the dream of ordering at subway came last night and now I see how I can get through the next transition of my life.
All I have to do is have a vision in mind of what I want, like thinking of the sub of my choice, and then I can just go through the process day-by-day to get through all the steps which create the end product, the end vision.
The problem is that when something somewhat negative happens, like being told you can’t go through with something you wanted to do, the ego can try to step in to do its protection thing. It takes persistent effort and diligence to break through the ego and find a way to be uplifted, free and playful.
So the Subway dream is telling me that I can in fact get back on track and get the vision I want by remembering what it is I want and just going through the steps one small bit at a time to build it.
I’m grateful for this subway dream because today I feel inspired and hopeful whereas yesterday I felt confused and lost.
This is how a dream can provide a script for next steps to move forward towards the positive vision of a bright and fulfilling life.
07 September 2017
Every year, since I was 14 I’ve participated in a 19-Day Fast in March.
Many people around the world participate in this Fast from the age of 15 – 70 but when I was 14 I was so eager to begin that I couldn’t wait and so I gave it a try a year earlier than most. The aim is to avoid food & drink from sunrise to sunset for 19 days. The only year I didn’t participate fully was when I was nursing in 2005. This is a time for turning away from material & physical realms and focusing on the spiritual & non-physical realms.
Last year, I fasted for a short time but then a terrible sinus infection prevented me from continuing because it required a doctor’s attention and she recommended a strong prescription which prevented me from fasting for the full 19 days.
The 19-Day Fast is one of my favourite times of year and I regard it with a lot of reverence and Joy. When I couldn’t Fast, I felt disappointed and grieved at the missed opportunity.
It is such a refreshing time of revitalizing and cleansing and improves my digestion to a high degree. This year I have been feeling some stomach pains which I haven’t felt in about a decade and I think some of it is in part due to not Fasting for the full 19 days in 2017. My digestive system did not get the rest and recovery which it has grown accustomed to annually.
So this year, I’m not waiting until February to begin preparing for the Fast in March. I’m beginning today!
You may be asking yourself – What does this have to do with Dreamwork?
Well, for one thing, I tend to have very interesting dreams during the Fast and that is a Joy to look forward to but the other thing is that my dreams in the past two weeks have been bringing to my attention some things which impacted me last year which resulted in my getting sick and missing out on the Fast.
When I realized this is what my dreams were telling me, I decided to write about it today. In this way, I can turn my gaze towards March 2018 and be well prepared for a very happy and successful Fast with full and complete heath.
Stay tuned for more to come!
05 September 2017
In 2009, I started analyzing my dreams with the intention to transform the negatives I was encountering into positives. The focus of this work involves being able to really take a look at the metaphors in a dream, to sit with them for some time, even days, to understand the meaning and then to consider where can the meaning & message be applied to real life.
In 2011, I started to really see how I used to let others drive my life in the direction which suited them best without giving thought to who I really was and what I really wanted. People in a position of power or authority in an organization, or a family or a faith group will often go to great lengths to do what they see as protecting their position.
In 2014, I started writing about what I was seeing and have continued this daily practice until today. When someone shows up in a dream and is doing something negative it is helpful to think of them as a metaphor and to just think of turning the volume of their voice WAY down. This is a helpful technique for real people in a personal relationship or for negative political figures or colleagues. They get a big thrill from bringing people into the “fight” and for them it can give them a rush like a drug they get addicted to.
Now in 2017, I’ve learned how to detach from the lies and how to step outside the real or imagined conflict and how to just direct my good intentions and work in more productive ways. When one person keeps showing up in my dreams night after night it shows me there is some work to do around this issue. Since I am also having a lot of positive dreams of playfulness and joy with others it tells me that all is well and in time the source of the negative will reveal itself. In time, with attention and diligence, the negatives can be flipped to positives with the development of increased capacity and virtues.
Here is another dream of my Mom talking bad about me to others and rallying people to rise up against me stating false claims as though they were true.
This time we were at a restaurant. She invited me there as though she wanted to be nice and make amends but when others were not watching or listening she whispered cruel things in my ears and she ridiculed and harassed me. When I pushed back to create space then she taunted me and turned to others saying, “See how she pushes me away.”
The craziness of her behaviour is enough to drive anyone mad but I didn’t get mad in the dream I just left the restaurant. There were two young Asian girls outside who were very excited about the thousands of lanterns and decorations hanging from trees, creating a canopy. Their excitement brought me joy.
In another dream, there was a close and physical intimate interaction with some I care about and we ended up laughing. In dreams, physical intimacy is about merging with the qualities of another person. It is a metaphor for emotional intimacy and closeness. It’s good to have a positive dream like this because it reminds me that I can be positive no matter what others say about me or against me.