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In the dream, I’m a smoker, even though in real life I’m not. In the dream, I’m wearing a baggy jacket and have 1/2 dozen loose cigarette butts in each pocket but no full cigarette. I’m with a bunch of smokers and ask them for one and they all say they don’t have any. I say it’s okay, it doesn’t matter, I’m quitting anyways.
Then an ex-boyfriend arrives. In real life he’s an ex but in the dream I am still trying to salvage the relationship. I ask him if he wants to catch the ferry with me and go do something off the island. At first he disagrees but he concedes with my insistence and he even offers to pay.
I notice right away he starts taking photos with his phone which is a strange & uncharacteristic behaviour of his. He does it so much that he has no emotional connection or interaction with me at all as we wait in line for the ferry, board and start traveling. I see a huge piece of ice float down a river and point it out and he takes a photo and I hear him say, “This one is for you (meaning me)” and then he takes another one saying “And this second one is for you (meaning another woman)” and he sends the second pic to someone.
After seeing him do this 3 times I confront him with it. He doesn’t deny it. I say why didn’t he just tell me and we could have ended amicably. He said he couldn’t tell me. He didn’t want to hurt me.
So I tell him I’m not going on this trip with him and when the ferry stops I board a returning boat to go back home. He continues on.
I feel a mixture of sadness and relief.
When I get back, it’s too late to make it all the way home so I stay at an Air BnB which has a lot of others staying there too. Recollection of this part of the dream is foggy. It seems we were moving furniture around. There were a lot of people but I don’t recall more than that.
October 27, 2018
In the dream, there’s a lot going on. I’m outside in a large open space, maybe like a large family campground, something like that. The atmosphere is friendly and open. I’m walking from one area to another and then I notice a group of people have all started smoking. I say, “Oh, it’s time to smoke is it?” And I decide to join them thinking if we all smoke at the same time then it won’t bother the non-smokers as much because there’s no secondhand smoke inbetween. When I reach for my own cigarettes I discover they aren’t in my pocket. My sister is there to my left walking beside me and when I start looking for where I put my cigarettes she mocks me and says, “Oh Rachel, we’re smoking now, are we?”
“It’s none of your business,” I tell her and I walk away thinking about where I may have left them. I consider getting a cigarette from one of the other smokers but don’t want to appear that I have none of my own but also by the time it takes me to look for my own and I retrieve them then they will all be done and I’ll be smoking alone anyways. It’s like I have to decide to look foolish and ask for one or look foolish and smoke alone. I decide to keep looking for my own.
I find them in a strange room and I can’t recall the details of what made it strange but it was unusual somehow. Anyway, I found them and go back to the others and I have time to smoke while they are and we finish together at relatively the same time.
October 05, 2018
In the dream, I am in a convenient store, looking at packs of cigarettes, deciding which ones I should buy. I notice there is a 2-pac with 40 cigarettes discounted and I think I’ll buy those.
I don’t buy them but when I go outside I find a friend and we are walking together. She says she’s memorized the route and neither of us have our phones with us. We start walking and eventually get into this forested area where it’s dark and wet like it’s recently rained.
Something happened here, like an encounter with a large animal but I can’t recall details.
Eventually some others joined us and I think we navigated the way.
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