[Editorial Note/Update: In the past, I used to write about strong negative emotions and the way to work through them to get to the positive opposite as a way to demonstrate how to make really powerful transformation happen immediately. This approach that I use works every time, is long-lasting, and profound. However, I am no longer using this open forum to demonstrate the process of transformation publicly. This post, written back in September 2017, is an example of those kinds of “process posts” I used to do. What Courage and Confidence it takes to share such a personal experience in such a public way! The key in any transformation is to notice the negative, notice where it shows up in the body, name the emotion and then use a variety of ways to let it go. Either with visualization techniques or with various writing exersizes the emotion can really be detached from nearly entirely and a much more positive experience can be brought to light. So I just ask when you read this to not judge me and to understand where I was coming from when I wrote this. I was writing as a way to support others who are still living with their abusers, who are still suffering in domestic violence situations, who are trapped in their own anger/rage and don’t see a way out. I hope my open posts about processing negatives provides a way out. That is my intention. Thank you.]
13 September 2017
Anyone who knows me will tell you that my sense of direction is weak.
I can turn out onto a street and then lose track of where I am going and have to turn around again. At this point in my life I realize that even though I have gotten better to a degree in this area, I will likely never have a “good sense of direction.” My mind is just not equipped with excellent spacial awareness. With attention and effort it has gotten better, yes, but it will likely never be 100%.
If someone is driving with me and going through the period of “I’m a bit lost/turned around … just give me a second” it can cause anyone a relative degree of frustration. I understand that. What I need at that time is to just get myself grounded and centered again until I can re-focus and continue on. I need a few minutes. I need a breather.
When I don’t get what I need, which sometimes happens because it’s inevitable that things do not always go the way we want in life, I find myself getting angry.
Sometimes when I’m feeling angry I can feel the heat rising in my chest and I can feel my face get hot. Who knows if I actually turn red but I can feel the anger as though it’s burning in my eyes and lips. I don’t like to feel that way. I’d prefer to avoid it. In the past, I used to endure a high degree of negative behaviour no matter how angry it made me feel, but not anymore.
Now, as soon as I start to feel that hot anger rising within me I start thinking about what I can do to change. Sometimes I can change the way I’m looking at a situation. Sometimes I can change where I am or what I’m doing. Sometimes I can change the way I’m speaking. The possibilities for change are endless.
Taking a few big deep breaths and coming at a conversation with a fresh perspective is always helpful in dealing with a situation which is causing anger.
In the past, I also used an Anger work sheet created by Richard Hastings. The questions on this work sheet would help me notice what was causing the anger. There are questions such as: when was the earliest time I remember feeling that kind of anger?how do I cause this to myself? and then also what can I do to have more Peacefulness?
Going through this worksheet helped me to take responsibility for my strong emotions and it really helped me to turn them around to something much more productive & positive.
If you haven’t had the chance to work through your anger in this way, I’d strongly recommend it. You might be surprised at the high degree of Peacefulness & Gratitude which emerges.