28 August 2017
When a parent does dreamwork/changework they first work on themselves, heal from their own traumas in childhood and resolve their issues then they can super charge their abilities to support the development of virtues and positive qualities in their children.
Then they can really start being a fantastic parent for their children because now that they are free from the past issues they can more fully support their children. In this way, their children will not inherit or learn the same fears their parents had. In this way, each generation becomes better than the one prior to it. In this way, generations and the whole world can heal & change for the better.
When a parent is clear about their expectations and sets clear boundaries a child may become upset. When they are upset & angry that they are no longer getting their own way they might say a whole host of negative things to try to break their parent down so they can get their own way.
Here are a few statements a child might say:
- This/you are ridiculous.
- I hate this/you.
- You are SO not a good parent.
- Oh, it’s going to be “this” kind of day (eyes rolling)
- You can’t make me do anything.
- I’m not listening to you.
In situations like this, it is helpful if the parent can practice the exercise of turning down the negative voice that they are hearing from their child.
A parent does not need to respond to every statement the child makes. The change work involved in this process is to simply notice the negatives and turn them down.
In this way, the parent can stay focused on the task at hand, repeat themselves if necessary and stand firm with what the expectations are.
It is not easy. I’m not saying it’s easy.
But when clear boundaries are set and the child is enccouraged to follow through with responsibilities & obligations then they will learn essential skills needed for a productive and full-filing adult life.