28 August 2017

When something negative shows up in a dream, something like being jailed, then it’s good to start off with a question such as, “How am I jailing my Self?”

What this does it take you out of the rut of feeling like a victim and you get your power back.

In a recent dream I was temporarily imprisoned in something comparable to a juvenile detention center. It felt more like a retreat than a jail except I couldn’t leave if I wanted to but the facilities were excellent. I didn’t have a sense of why I was there or when I would get out.

When I was young, the adults who I lived with used to use the punishment of “going to my room” as the ultimate “fix” but unfortunately the rules were arbitrary so it was never entirely clear to me what kept me out of my room or what put me in it. Additionally, someone else could do something really wrong and that would get me sent to my room for some unjust reason.

Once imprisoned in my room, it could last for hours, or days. There was never a clear distinction about when I’d get to come out. It was sort of assumed I was banished to my room for an entire day. But sometimes I’d get called out for dinner.

When I got to the table I would be a bit dizzy from the lights and have a slight head ache from the stuffiness of a room. I’d feel like I had over-slept and my thoughts were not clear or focused. I’d feel like I had a cold or something even though I know I didn’t but the fuzzy-ness was the same.

Only the lure of food could keep me there in that cluttered & dusty dining room and I would not allow myself the privilege of even thinking about what to do next or how to get away from these monsters who entrapped & enslaved me.

The only safe place seemed to be to retreat back into my room. So like a trained beast, with the wildness beat out of him, I’d just often times go back to my room after dinner even though there was a hint that I could have stayed out now if I wanted too. I seem to recall my sister coming out of her room more often than I did as I can recall hearing her giggling and laughing with my mom.

So my sister’s negative actions got me punished to my room. And then I just stayed there for hours & days while she and my mom bonded in happy ways.

Then later, when I was a teen, my mom once said, “It just seems like you have built a wall that you will never let me pass.” And she said it as though it were a mystery.

How strange.