23 August 2017

When I was young the house I lived in was always dirty. It was cluttered and furniture was in need of repair but it was also dusty and mouldy in some places. When I was about 8 years old I started wanting to live in a clean house and I took it on myself to clean a 3-bedroom, two-story home. The other two people I lived with were busy doing other things like reading novels & playing with barbies. There was a third person I lived with and he was usually outside working on something or other. He was doing his share the best he could.

So anyway, this “cleaning” part of myself showed up in my dream last night.

In the dream, I went over to MG’s place and found it was very filthy. The grim on the floor alone made my skin crawl and there was dust & dirt everywhere! At first I started to clean it myself but then I realized since she made the mess she should also help me to clean it.

But when I tried to talk about it with her she ran to the washroom, locked the door and told me she wanted privacy. After some time I just talked through the door telling her we should have a family meeting to discuss & plan some cleaning for the house. She didn’t want that.

So I went to my room and started cleaning.

Then she came out of the bathroom but was angry & embarrassed. She was behaving in a way to tease me, mock me, harm me and make me feel upset so I decided to leave. I could tell what she wanted was for me to leave and a part of me wished I could figure out how to stay and help but the hurtful words were too hurtful. I had to go.

When she saw me getting ready to leave she looked happy.

She had pushed me away and out and that meant she could keep her messy house.

I was okay with leaving. Afterall, it wasn’t even my mess to clean. My intention had been just to help.

My analysis of this dream is that it is showing me how ego works and that now I can see the extent to which other people go to in order to protect their own selves. Even if their “self” is messy & cluttered, it’s like they fall in love with the mess and they want to keep it that way.

The dream shows me there is a part of myself which loves to clean ego messes. That’s why I didn’t judge the dirty & grime and stepped in to help make it better. I’d likely make a really good PSW in real life with these types of skills.

In real life, there is a situation where someone invited me close to themselves and then got embarrassed and angry when I got a bit too close to their “inner & outer” MESS. What they don’t know is that I don’t judge and I wish them no ill-will. I truly do love cleaning houses. And I truly do love working with people to clean their inner ego messes.

In time, this will become more clear. The dream helps me to understand the process and helps me have some patience as I go through the work.