20 July 2017
A mother, a sister, a daughter or a spouse – anyone around you could potentially be so full up of ego that they create a mess everywhere they go. A simple way to think about ego in this context is to think of humans as having a lower nature/ego and a higher nature/true self. The purpose of the ego is to protect its self and there is a place for this when it is in harmony with the true self. The most meaning in life is found in arising from the challenges caused by ego within, such as fear, anger, grief and transforming those negatives into courage, justice, joy.
Sometimes a person has so much trauma in their lives, especially in childhood, that it alters their ability to find their true self anymore. Instead, they live in a state of ego and they strive to make themselves look better than everyone else. They have a thirsty hunger for the positions of power in a family or corporation and will stop at nothing to achieve their aim. Someone in the family who is full of ego doesn’t mind who they hurt as they take repeated action to get into conflict so that they can “win.” They get a high from the feeling of “winning” and it keeps them perpetually generating conflict so that they can perpetually keep getting their addictive fix from the feeling of the win.
What to do then? If you are just a normal person, not too interested in conflict, but continually being shot-down and targeted by a family member? It is more common then you think. I suspect since this issue is so wide-spread that every single family has a “narcissist” in one form of another. And every single family has a “target.” I suspect that every family deals with this situation differently and no one rarely talks about it because everyone falsely believes that their family is different than others.
If we all spoke about it more openly we would realize the issue is societal and we could really begin to change things. But for now, people think it’s their own private family issue and so change is slow but at least there is change.
So how to deal with this family narcissist?
The first step is to realize you are dealing with a narcissist. The thing about this type of person is that they do not think or behave like average people. So you must not think about them or treat them as average. When you fully realize their inner negative nature then you can think of ways and behave in ways which protects your own sense of Peace while at the same time not letting them take over your life, which is what they will try to do if they are not stopped.
The narcissist in your family does not need to be the wealthiest, best looking, happiest individual. Sometimes this is the case, but other times, the narcissist is the one who is the poorest, the one with ailments & sickness, the one who complains about everything, the one who makes EVERYTHING about themselves. The narcissist seeks to control everyone in its environment. So whether they do that through generating pity or generating envy, they don’t care. They just want everyone thinking about them at all times.
So the first real way to deal with a narcissist is to realize you are dealing with a narcissist. When you can see that negative truth, then a whole lot of good can come from that. Truly profound transformation and change can come from this small but profound awareness.