03 June 2017
On 30 May 2017 I dreamed of being at a celebration, like summer fireworks, and when I returned I found someone had dented my car on the passenger side. I awoke on that Thursday morning thinking about the metaphor of a car, the feeling of celebration, and the experience of getting a dent. The car is still drivable but it will take time, money & coordination to get things back to normal.
That day, my daughter had a rough day. Things at school the day before didn’t go the way she wanted and so when she woke up she was still feeling out of sorts. That night she was acting out with yelling, swearing, and she even threw things at me. A pillow. A stuffed animal. I don’t think she really wanted to hurt me but she just really wanted to get control of the situation.
At one point I held her hands down and pushed my shoulders against her and I calmly said, “What you are doing is not okay. You’ve got to stop now.” For that moment she stopped but then she started swearing and saying negative things again. I said a few prayers and left the room.
The feeling I had at the end of the night was exactly like the feeling of a dented car.
On my side of things, I had a great day. I was even feeling a bit celebratory because things were going well in several areas that day. When she started showing up with her bad behaviour it just really dampened things and instead of feeling light and cheery like a celebration, I felt like I was dealing with a dented car which was to have to think and figure how and when and where to get the work done to get it fixed etc.
It was like her negative actions and words took me out of my positive feelings in my heart and forced me into thinking with my head.
We live in a culture and a world which is really head-based and so few people even consider anymore the power of the heart, the strength of feelings.
What is different about what I did than what most people would do is that I detached myself from her negative words and actions and then with a lot of LOVE just laughed my way through the ordeal.
I just love my daughter and cherish her so deeply. When she is in pain I also feel in pain but when she is happy I also feel happy!
But I’ve got to admit. The next day, Friday morning, June 02, 2017 I was still feeling raw and vulnerable from the night before.
No one should ever feel unsafe in their home and it is not right that a child should behave in a way which makes anyone feel unsafe. I know this is serious. I’m not going to lie. I know that I need to learn new things about parenting and apply a new strategy.
I’ve been doing a few things for the past 8 years which have really helped a lot but I didn’t write about them before.
So I’m going to keep writing about them now because I think where she and I are headed will give us a lot to celebrate. It will just take time, patience and Love to get where we are going.