How To Deal With a Negative Figure in a Dream or Real Life

The negative figures which show up in our dreams bring up strong emotions like fear. The good thing about this is that when we can look at our unconscious fears which show up in our dream through the metaphors, then we can understand where in our real waking life this fear has been holding us back and we can develop the courage to change it.

Here is an example of a nightmare and the way it can be flipped to the positive.

In the dream, I came home from picking up my daughter and my ex was inside my home. At first I was polite to see what he wanted. But when I saw he was clearly not in his right mind, I wanted him to leave. I asked him to go and he wouldn’t.

When I saw that he wouldn’t leave I went into the kitchen to think about what to do next. I formulated a plan. Then I went back out to implement it and tried various things such as ignoring him, threatening him, pushing him, taking things away from hime, etc.

At the same time, because I was trying to do positive things children from the neighbourhood started hanging around. Kids were inside & outside the house and I couldn’t get to them all to do the activities they were expecting. I was getting increasingly annoyed and frustrated. I started raising my voice to get them to do what I wanted.

As soon as the ex heard my voice raise he got engaged. He started getting closer to me and following me around. Talking too much, distracting me. This made me more angry. I started shouting at him and at the children. I started pointing my finger and barking orders for what I wanted people to do. I felt so much anger towards him it was like I wanted him dead.

This seemed to make him excited. He finally started to look life-like which was good that he was coherent but bad that it didn’t happen until I was so angry.

Then I saw he was recording me on his phone. I asked him about it and he said so he could show the judge how angry I was and that I was an unfit mother.

So then I left the house and went next door and asked two men there to call the police. They didn’t want to so I did but it was hard to press the numbers. Eventually I did and I gave my address. They were on their way.

I went back to the house & continued much more calm now.  Talking to the children, getting ready to go to the park or something like that. He got visibility annoyed that there was nothing left to record.

I told him again to leave and he did leave the house but stayed on the property. I got angry again & yelled to get off my property! “Why aren’t you just getting off my property!!” I was so engaged. It got him excited again so he came back in the house again.

But this time there were others around and he couldn’t get away with it and he heard the police were coming and he left. I still felt like he might come back but at least he was gone. Someone asked how long it went on for and I looked at the clock and said, “It’s been 3 hours.” I was exhausted.

In this nightmare, the negative figure was in the dreamer’s house and it took a lot of effort for her to get him out.

A house in a dream is about the Self. For a negative figure to enter the house & not want to leave is like how in real life a negative person can have the effect of changing the personality or Self of the person they are in a relationship with. The negative person is only thinking of themselves & how they can get an advantage even at the cost of hurting others. They do not have healthy boundaries and will do anything it takes to get what they want. In this case, they want to make the dreamer angry so they can prove to others that they are an angry person and can take the child away in court.

The dreamer quickly realizes there is little she can do to get him to stop what he’s doing. He won’t leave and he continues to escalate things so he can get what he wants – a recording for the judge.

He is not afraid of police or threats. What finally sends him away is the idea that other peers are watching what he is doing. He knows he can lie to a judge. He knows how to manipulate the court for his advantage. But he can’t manipulate a group of people. So he leaves.


The dream is a memory of what it used to be like for the dreamer when she lived with an ex who was only thinking of himself and his climb to the top of power in every situation. In the past, she had little resources or skills to be able to stay true to herself when he came in with his nasty ways. Now things are different for her. She has groups of people who are a part of the positive work she is doing with children in neighbourhoods and she no longer gives up or tolerates his negative actions. She will not stop until he’s gone and now she knows how to get him out, metaphorically speaking.

In real life, this means she is leaving the old pattern behind of running away when something threatening happens. Now she can stand up for herself and even though it takes a while, in the end, she wins.

For more on how an independent mother is applying these kinds of principles in her day-to-day life check out

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