In the dream, I am standing in a beautiful forest, wet with dew, and alive with sounds from the animal kingdom. Someone has guided me here and we have paused. I see ahead on the trail a young First Nations man, kneeling on a blanket prostrating and praying. It seems he is looking directly into heaven, his face is glowing. The person on the trail tells me this was when he chose to accept the Path. I notice the 2-3 eagle feathers on the youth, and they have a lot of black down the centre and know he has seen a lot of negative in his life. The way he is choosing his Path seems to be that because he sees the negativity by chosing positive Path he becomes a source of good. I see it is not an easy choice but that he is making it because he wants to help.

I dream its night and I’m going to bed. I feel so comfortable. There is someone on the other side of the room in another bed but I’ve paid him no attention. Then he comes over and crawls into my bed. It’s J.P, the person who I started my “waiting” pattern with when I was 12 years old. He puts himself right up close to my whole body, even face to face, and puts his cheek to my lips but I still don’t kiss him. He gets annoyed and goes back to his bed. I go to sleep.

The next day I see Loesje, who taught me Body Talk in Javier in 2013 (and who still runs classes in British Columbia, Canada) and she asks about his behaviour. I said I slept and didn’t know anything about him. She said good job.

Then someone from the camp who gets jealous easily is there and it’s her birthday. others don’t want anything to do with her anymore but i say lets give her a gift (to try to soften her). They are not that interested.

I am using the washroom in beautiful model home. The agent comes in to prepare the room for showing and she is rinsing the shower. There seems to be an agreement between us for the way I can use the space so it is no problem that I am there.

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dictionary –

– kneeling in a forest – a posture of humility outside of myself

– eagle feathers – sign of recognition of doing a good service

– black and white – dark and light

– Josh seems to symbolize the beginning of the “waiting” pattern for me…

– Loesje – symbol of living your heart’s desire

– jealous person – waiting for them to come around

– bathroom – letting go of the waiting for and acting to please jealous people

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theory – this is for today

dream wants me to be able to see how it is okay to see the negative and the positive together. i am movijng towards being in a condition of submittion and being able to choose positive behaviour even though I also see negative

to do that i can let go of acting to please people who are jealous

realize that it started when i was junior youth – but i don’t need to behave like that anymore

and when i see that i can overcome that then it will be like being given a “good job” from Loesje

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Application

the biggest problem i have at work is people being suspicious about who i am and what i’m doing and why i’m there, what i want out of it.

they wanted things to stay the same and have issues with change. it means i still have issues around dealing with this because of my old pattern of wanting to give the person all my attention to making them feel better and not doing things that would upset them.

also, what comes to mind it the public appearance of my avoiding kyle on facebook.

my fear is – if i get him angry by doing what i want to do on facebook then i will not be clear-headed enough to do well at work in the schools and the fear is it will lead to false accusations and losing my job, or worse losing my OCT, etc.

so the dream answers my question from the other day about my conscious fear of Richard and my unconscious fear of Kyle. what i used to do was just be really good at making him happy so I didn’t realize just how afraid i was of him not being happy. when i acknowledge that i can feel the fear that was always there. it’s huge.

josh in my bed pushing up against me shows me is like how i used to be attracted to people with a lot of issues, now it’s not attractive to me anymore and so he went away, and Loesje said good job. my issue is still about pleasing jealous people who i am afraid will take away important things from me….sort of the same as yesterday with the playdough.

in the dream I end up in an agreement with someone about my being in “their” space and it being okay and it becoming our space. so that is positive.

the dream wants me to let go of taking action to please or not please Mr. Pellegrini and go instead for what I want that no one can take away from me.

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And a link to a song which inspires me.