On my 6 hour flight from Vancouver, BC to London, ON I read the book, “Dreams For Peace,” by Richard Hastings.

If you are reading this post I am writing now on my blog, you are likely aware that for the past seven years I have been writing down my dreams, seeking to understand the spiritual message for my growth and considering ways that I can develop my skills and capacities so that I can contribute in a positive way to the world around me – in particular my home, and my neighbourhood, and my community.

You are likely also aware that because of some lived experience with a lot of situations which brought up a lot of fear, I have a pattern of thinking, feeling and behaving which tends to leave me running away from things instead of facing the fear with enthusiasm and developing courage.

So interestingly enough, even though I loved the book, and found it really useful to have the methodology of dreaming one place and have 19 examples of dreams and how they created a process of growth for an individual family, my reaction is not that of joy or excitement.

In fact, when I think of all the things facing me when I go home – payments, consultations, meetings, deadlines, and a constant nagging feeling of just not belonging because I am an independent mother, the heaviness in my heart feels too much to bear and tears stream from my eyes even as I sit on the West Jet airplane miles above the earth.

But I’m done with letting these feelings of loneliness shape who I am and what I do. I’m done with allowing myself to be limited in relationships and experiences. I’m just done with this. So what do I do?

I’ll write about it in an upcoming blog. Stay tuned! LOL.

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CHANGING CULTURE

The reason it is so difficult to change culture is because we learned it unconsciously when we were children. So the thoughts, feelings, behaviours and reactions were earned so early it was as though we thought what we were learning was who we were and how things always were going to be.

When it comes to expressing feelings openly, our North American culture acts a bit like its under a gag-order. The general message seems to be “Don’t talk about it” and “don’t think about it” and “don’t express it” and pretty much “Don’t feel it.”

So what happens when I talk about my inner growth process is that I am actively doing what nearly everyone whose feet walk on North American soil does not ever do. If I had the chance to travel to other parts of the world to see if it happens over there too, I’d go for it, no problem. But for now, I’m limited to my experience of Niagara Region, Kingston, Muskoka, Fort McMurray, and now London.

Here’s what I see everywhere I go – people seem to not talk about personal transformation in a deep way. We (as I am part of this strange phenomenon) seem to not even be able to identify our feelings sometimes, never mind having the language to talk about them!

Can you imagine how strange it is then, that I should dedicate a blog to openly expressing my darkest fears, my deepest nightmares – and be open in the process I use to transform the negatives to positives?

Pretty strange, I know.

I get it.

But I do it, because it is the positive opposite of what my fear would have me do. My fear of being isolated or excluded in some way, if not kept in check, could just lead me to run away, hide and withdraw. The opposite of this is to running towards something positive with enthusiasm. To be open and forthcoming about my process, and to challenge the prevailing unconscious norm by doing something entirely different.

That’s why I do it.

I hope that in sharing my story openly it will encourage others to openly share too. In this way, we can break down the invisible walls of silence around us and create a much more positive and encouraging environment for all of us.

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